DJB

Sometimes I walk alone at night

When everybody else is sleeping

I think of him and then I'm happy

With the company I'm keeping

The city goes to bed

And I can live inside my head

On my own

Pretending he's beside me

All alone

I walk with him 'til morning

Without him, I feel his arms around me

And when I lose my way, I close my eyes and he has found me

...

I love him

But every day I'm lonely

All my life I've only been pretending

Without me, his world will go on turning

The world is full of happiness that

I have never known

I love him...

But only on my own...

I remember going to see this production years ago; watching an 17 year old sing this song as if she were singing about her own life. Music...music has a way into your heart and it stays there. We hear certian pieces and reflect back or smile when a certain someone/situation 'pops' onto your head. Music is the camera the in your mind, it allows you to reflect on your life and remember times that you never thought you would recollect. Then seconds to minutes later you snap back into reality and have a tear in your eye or a smile on your face and realize that hearing that particular song just made your day.

Lately, I have been meeting more people who truly care for music the way I do, and sometimes more. This is a blessing. For the past couple weeks, in our office, we played sad songs. Nothing else, no one wanted anything butt. Watching Airplanes by Gary Allen; Open Arms by Colin Ray; Anywhere but Here by Chris Cagle; Home by Blake Shelton. These songs help us get through the days, it is what music is there for.

Yesterday's post, I mentioned DJ and how not a day goes by where I didn't wish he would walk through the doors of where ever I am. This song came on today, and immediatly DJ came to mind...he is dating, so that leaves me 'on my own'. DJ, he I will always care about. He will be the one that let me hide behind him during a thunderstorm, made be burp a lobster, started my shower in the morning so I could spend more time talking to his father, and will always be the guy I fell in love with and never got to date.

The first time we ever hung out alone, I drove to his place in Dulles and he drove us to a pub/bar to hang out. Ever since that night I always wanted to be beautiful to him. There was something about him that was different. He had the 'bad boy' exterior, but he was the softest, kindest guy you could meet. DJ was nothing but kind to me, and for the longest time I thought it was because his best friend was one of my closest friends and boss. DJ became this guy I would drive 2 hours for, just to have a beer and hang out for a couple hours than drive an hour and a half home. He was different.

In the end, I am truely thankful I have him as a friend, and one I hope I never lose.

New Day

Wednesday - those are typically good days, right? It's hump day! You can finally start counting down for weekend without feeling depressed knowing that you started that count down on Monday morning.

Tuesday was rough. Major stress with work, although I still love what I do. But as I began, today is Wednesday - a new day. I get up, get ready for another day in the office, arrive on time - I am off to a great start if you ask me! Get into the office, turn on my computer to find a massive amount of emails. What do I do - bang head on desk! (in the movies, that always seems to help.) That didn't do me much good but give me a headache. :) Did my best to get through all those emails with keeping my heart rate down. Today I learned that my blood pressure is way to high. Haha! Needless to say, I wasn't all that shocked with how stressed I have been. Now I need to do some research on how to control that, when given the option, I opted for no meds.

After that apt - I headed off to see Sandy. Who's Sandy? Well only the bestestest bartender known to man. She is the sweetest thing ever. Works at Carlos, and Carlos is our cheers. You walk and and hear HEY KELLY! and you don't even have to order a thing...for Sandy knows it all. She is the greatest. Hung out there for about 45 min then headed back to work. Get back to realize the major project I needed to get done I am unable to do. Fantastic. Turned off the computer and left. Blood pressure was high enough, no need to make it any higher.

I am home, about to have a beer and relax for the night. I might even play myself in a game of scrabble - that always makes me happy.

Talked to Dad, and like Paul Meyer used to do, he reminds me - "you am not performing brain surgery, this is not the cure for cancer." I need to breath and realize that it is okay to make a mistake. It is my stubbornness really. I don't want to make a mistake, I want to do it right. That is how I have always been and probably always will be.

Been a While

It has been a while since my last post, and that was recently brought to my attention. :)

I started with a new company about two months ago. Moved to Arizona to work for T3 and was not thrilled with the past year and a half with them, so I moved on. The company I now work for (WJ) is great. Much better company, better atmosphere...you name it, better. The only part I could do without is all the stress. It makes me wish I had someone to come home to and talk about their day or anything but work. Maybe someday. It's funny, I can't tell you the last time I have been this stressed over work. But it is good - makes me work hard, keeps me on my toes. Love what I do, love my job!!

Social life - pretty non existent. I hang out with the co-workers every once in a while. Rarely see Kelly - schedules just don't match. And if they do, we are both exhausted and choose to have a lazy day. We are sad, what can I say.
DJ is dating - that sucks. DJ is a guy I met back at Dulles Wegmans. He is from Rochester, but we met in Virginia. He and I hung out a lot, never dated, always wanted to. He has moved back to Rochester around the time his mom passed...and there isn't a day where I don't wish he would walk through the doors and I would see him. Me in Phoenix and him in Rochester - that will never happen.

Well that is all my scoop. Short, but sweet. I work...that is my life.