reflection

Today I did something right, at least to me. I have had a lot on my mind, and seeing some friends hasn't made things any easier. Today it hit me, I brought out and watched the one thing I have to watch to bring back the courage and the strength I know I have. I college I made a documentary as my final for a class I was taking. This documentary was on a person in my life that, to me, was a strong, loving, encouraging, intelligent man. He was also someone I was, in a way, afraid of. Curt was someone, like people I strive to be like, I never wanted to disappoint. There aren't many of those in my life, and I was happy to have him be that type of person to me. Asking him if he would allow me to make a documentary on his life was one of the most terrifying things I ever did. Yes, this sounds odd, but if he said no...wow, I don't know how I would have handled that. Luckily he agreed to it. Two weeks later, I planned one full day to devote myself to following him. That was one of the best days on my life, and I have it all on tape.

Today I brought that documentary out and I watched it, and watched it again. Watching this brings back all the dreams I used to share with him. He always had faith in me, more faith than I ever had in myself. Today, yesterday, and last week I needed that reminder. I needed to remind myself that there are people that have faith in me besides my family. Family - sometimes you think, they have to have faith. But Curt didn't have to, he chose to. I will probably watch this a couple more times today, tomorrow and weeks to come to remind me that I can do anything I put my mind to. To remind me that we were put on earth to live out lives, not live in regret. To remind me that we need to do for others just like we do for ourselves. To remind me that life is what you make of it. Yes, these are all things we know...but to hear it over and over and over again, it helps. This helps me stand behind the decision I have made.

I hope everyone has or has had this person in their life. I haven't seen Curt in 5-6 years, but I was lucky to have gotten to know him. That is more than I can ask for.