God's Will

It's funny. My friends will sometimes reference that they didn't know my faith. Hold on a minute, what am I saying, that isn't funny at all. I was brought up in a Christain household, tought to believe that God had a path for us, each of us, and that was a path we were going to follow...best we could. We might have a couple detours here and there, but in the end there was a path we would all take.

My path to Phoenix may have been a detour. Even if you asked me this a year ago. I was being selfish. I didn't listen or look at the warning signs, I just did as I wished. Thankfully, God introduced me to a wonderful friend who has reminded me of my faith and who I am. She has brought back a girl I used to love. And thankfully my friend has over looked my falses. She sees me for who I am not what I am. She is also bringing back the child in me.

Anywho...I was recently encouraged to apply for a position, and I did. It was a position I became very enthusiastic about, to say the least. The person that is currently holding that position was also enthusiastic about me taking over the position. This was a position I prayed about every day. Asking the good Lord not to offer me the position if it wasn't his will, because this wasn't something I could turn down. Telling the Lord that this time I would listen, and follow his plan. This morning I made that call to see if a decision was made. Yes, the decision was made, and as you can guess, it wasn't me. Did it break my heart? Yes. My heart was indeed broken. I was ready and willing to give that position all I had. In the end, it wasn't God's will. It wasn't the plan I am supposed to follow.

It is not my intention to sound "preachy" or "churchy" as some may call it...but this is me. This is who I am. I pray to the Lord to help me in decisions, to help me in life. Honestly, I don't know where I would be without Him, and part of me thinks that my friend was an angel he sent me to remind me of all that. She doesn't judge me. She doesn't say anything when I curse or make a wrong decision...instead she is a friend. A friend I am very grateful for.

My bestfriend, my mother, she wanted to cry with me. She wanted to be upset me that it wasn't God's will. She called me the instant I emailed her with tears in my eyes and probably knowing that I thought it was all my fault. That they didn't like me, they didn't like my personality. And what she told me, was that God has another path I need to follow.

So God, I will follow that path. I open my arms and heart to you, show me the way!

Weekend

My weekend, to me, was a perfect one. Friday I left work early, did some work from home, and after that hit the couch for a nap and watched a little television. Perfect! Saturday, I got up, started a book club site for my extended family after doing some research on forum sites. After that, I did some needed grocery shopping. I noticed I still get home, after spending $100 that I still needed things!! But I am happy. I bought some tasty meats. Once the groceries were put away, took a couple loads to the dumpster and was off to pick up Malik, my special friend, to go to a Back to School Bash! Being a foster child, Malik's mood changes frequently when in different situations, so Saturday night was a tough night for us...but we made it through. He got a new backpack filled with goodies (pencils/books/notepads) and he also received new sneakers - pretty neat night! All in all, it was a good day. Sunday, I got up, went to target to get Bart a new cat play/climb thing, he wore his other one out so bad he couldn't play on it anymore. (He LOVES his new on by the way. He played so much on it, he wore himself out...I could pick him up while sleeping, and he wouldn't even know.) I got home and watch a little television, did some work, made myself a good dinner (although I didn't like it) and headed off to Church. Church was good, came home to a double feature of TMNT's!! Read and watched that a bit until I fell fast asleep. It was a great weekend home. Traveling more I tend to really enjoy my weekends to myself. Well, myself and bart! (He likes them too!)

Okay - so my favorite lines from either a tv show or movie from this weekend:
Psych: Shawn "Good call on the mini bat"
South Pacific: After Emile told Nellie he killed a guy. Nellie: I am okay that you killed a guy, because you said it was for a good reason. My thoughts: WHO WOULD DATE A GUY AFTER HE TELLS YOU HE KILLED A GUY!!! HELLO PEOPLE. Love South Pacific - but man is it unreal!!!

I am off - have a great Monday all!

My little guy!

I love my cat. To me, he is the sweetest thing. Every morning, around 6:30 he is lighting tapping my nose with his paw as if he were saying 'rise and shine'! My alarm typically goes off between 6:45 and 7, which is not needed for Bart is my little guy that makes sure I don't over sleep. As he wait for me to wake-up, he is patiently sitting there watching me. No meowing, just light taps on the arm or nose. It is a great way to wake up - to a little face that loves you and can't wait for you to wake so you can play! I love morning with him. On the flip side, when I get home from work he is waiting to lots of kisses. He kisses every finger as I try to pet him. I couldn't ask for better welcome when I get home everyday.

Every morning we have our routine. He makes sure I am up, we play a bit before I actually get out of bed, then we race to the kitchen were I feed him and make coffee. I sit on the floor, next to his food, drink my coffee while he eats breakfast. If I don't sit there, then he won't eat. Bart has to be in the same room I am in. After he eats, we typically take a shower. Bart sits on the edge of the tub so he can still see that we are in the same room, and when the shower turns off he jumps and and begins playing in the puddles left behind. For some reason, I love this part of the day. He loves splashing around in that water. The worst part is watching him look at me as I leave for work. So sad! As you can tell, I love my little guy. He tends to be my world sometimes.

Well I best get back to work.

Small Things

It always amazes me how it really is the small things that make me smile. As you all know, I live in the desert, it is hot here, and the one thing that tends to burn you is your car. (big shocker, i know!) I ended up purchasing two things I told myself over my driving year I would never buy...a wheel cover and one of those sun blocker things for your window. The sun blocker is now the metallic silver fan fold one, it is the "pop-up" style one that folds into a small circle so you can store anywhere out of the way. Well, for the longest time I couldn't fold that sucker properly, so I just threw it in my back seat. Yesterday, I arrived at work and put it in my window, as usual. When I went to leave for lunch, I was able to fold it on the second try! I was elated. I was able to fold the thing. I have been trying to do this for two months. (You think I am moron, you try it!) At lunch, I popped it back on the window - again, who wants to burn themselves. After lunch, I was able to fold it on the first try! There are no words for how happy I was. Again, it is the small things!

As I have mentioned before, I have decided to volunteer my time through AASK. Through AASK, I am a "special friend" to a foster child serving as a mentor. I have been going through a long application process, background check, fingerprint check...the whole shabang. I believe this all began in March. It is now July, and last night I met the foster child I will be working with. There is much paper work to be read before Saturday, my first time to really hang out with him, but last night was a whole new experience for me. I have been on a mission trips and seen different living conditions. However, last night was completely different. Usually when I have been out seeing these conditions, I am with a group of people that are thrilled to see the group of kids we were working with. I met the boy's guardian last night, and she didn't have that excitement in her that I am used to seeing...but again, this is typical for what I am doing. It is just heart breaking. On mine 40 minute car ride home I felt stupid for being frustrated that my television broke the night before and so on. My goal is to find a new appreciation through this child, and I truly hope we learn so much from each other!

Have a great Thursday all!

It's Gunna be a Good Week!

The company I work for moved to a new office...a new office with one bathroom. One bathroom that has one toilet. One bathroom with one black toilet. Whoever purchases a black toilet must be losing their mind. Why you ask? No matter how many times you clean it, it looks dirty. Oh, and to go along with this lovely dirty looking black toilet - I have learned something else today. Even if you shut the door and lock it, you can still push it open. Yep, happened to me. Second time I have used the bathroom here in the week we have been here, and I get walked in on. My recommendation - don't pee at work!

As far as this week goes, it is Monday and I am in a fairly good mood, which is a plus. Usually Monday's I am in a poopish mood. Not a Monday fan. However, I am trying to keep a good outlook on the week. New TV shows start this week...oh and my fun news: Wednesday at 7:30pm I am meeting the foster child that I will be mentoring. His name: Malik. His dream vacation: a Carnival. What he wants to be when he grows up: He's 7, how is he supposed to know. Needless to say, with an answer like that, how can you not want to hang out with him!!! Heck, most of my friends still say they don't know and they are around 20 years older than him. What a good kid! As for the rest of my week, I am just chillin'. No major plans, no "have to's"...nothing.

This past weekend, Kelly and I went to an Irish Pub on Friday night. That made for an interesting night. I was the DD, so two beers it was for me. We sat between two guys. The guy next to Kelly had the preppy look, dress khaki's and a nice polo - chewed on a red straw the entire night and annoyed Kelly with his "why do guys wear mohawks to a Irish Pub?" flirt talk. The guy next to me was a married Johnny Depp look alike. He was telling me places I should go on vacation in attempt to flirt. We would occasionally look at each other with strange faces and laugh. Although we did get the typical picture of us out! Saturday I texted Kelly kindly informing saying: your boyfriend called and wants his straw back. In reply, she texted saying: Johnny Depp's wife called, she wants to thrown down. We laughed. Sunday she sent me a message: two day rule, where are my pictures from Friday night (as they were on my camera). My reply: I lost the pictures on the camera during my butt kicking from Johnny Depps wife. However, I did send her boyfriend the pictures for his "things that remind me of Kelly" collection. So far he has a red straw and the pictures. Some day she will get those pictures. :o) The things we do for a good laugh!

This week - it will be a good one! I can tell.

All in one week...

The past couple weeks I have been extremely tired after work, bringing me to go home, shower, and crash on the couch for a couple hours. (Moving the company I work for in the hot Arizona heat gets you so very dehydrated and exhausted!) I was channel surfing a couple weeks ago and came across a show with John Ritter in it, and of course I had to stop and watch. While in syndication, I never watched 8 Simple Rules For Dating My Teenage Daughter, and I found myself home watching it day after day. Monday I was home early, showered and hit my usual spot on the couch. Monday was a different day, I took a call from an ex-boyfriend that I haven't talked to since I moved here. We usually play catch-up every couple months, and it was that time again. His news was that he was engaged, and I did my best to give him the best "congratulations" I could deliver while hiding the fact I wanted to cry. The sad part, he didn't seem excited at all. Anywho, I was sad - my first true love is getting married...although I am glad he is happy! After all, that is what you want for your friends. At six o'clock, I proceeded to turn on 8 Simple Rules as usual and John Ritter's character made me laugh. At 6:30, the second episode came on, yet it wasn't funny. It was the episode made after John Ritter had passed away - needless to say, I was balling my eyes out. The two episodes that aired after his death really honed in on the greatness of family.

Last night, I was watching season 4 of Scrubs, episode "my cake" and it hit me - John Ritter played JD's father and this episode was in remembrance of him. All this in a four day stretch. John Ritter was one of my favorite actors, he amazing ability to make people laugh in his career was admirable. Watching a the few episodes that were made after he passed was a good reminder of what life is about. family, love, health, togetherness - and I am blessed to have all that in my life.

Wooden Rollercoasters

It's has been a while since I have posted anything. Life has been pretty busy, but things are starting to slow down a bit, which is very much appreciated on my end. This weekend I am thinking of canceling my day plans with my friend and her son, just so I can relax and do nothing. I am ready for a nothing weekend - especially since I will be gone next weekend.

This past weekend I was in Chicago for my cousin's college graduation party. It was a bitter sweet weekend. Most of the family flew in Thursday night. My cousin Jessy rented an SUV to fit six of us and our luggage. We actually fit perfectly, oddly enough. I was in the far back with the luggage listening to my nano as jessy drove with four back seat drivers telling her were to go. It was as if I was on an old wooden roller coaster for 45 minutes, it was that windy and when four people are telling you different ways to go - the driving was that bad. The good side, we were all laughing about it. The driving didn't get much better over the weekend, at one point we almost bought neck braces and helmets! Sadly, those were the best times of the weekend. No drama. While we were in house with all family members - there were about 15 of us total - it was drama filled. Every chance we had to get in the SUV and have Jessy drive us somewhere, we jumped at the opportunity. SUV = saving grace!

While I was in Chicago, I was able to see my friend Phil. Phil is a friend from Purdue that I haven't seen in 6 years. We talk every week, but haven't had the opportunity to see each other. He and his little brother (Paul) came to the graduation party. Phil, my dad and my uncle George spent the night making fun of me - which kept us all laughing for the night. He seemed to get along well with my family, so that was nice. He was able and willing to talk to anyone - after all, that is a hard situation to walk into - someones family party. Next weekend I will be seeing him in Vegas. He will be there for a bachelor party and I will be popping in for a day! Six years of not seeing him, then we see each other twice in a month. Odd how things happen!

Back from Chicago and at work - the drama continues. I am exhausted by it. Monday my boss came in my office and shut the door. She was informing me of some upcoming changes. I had an idea that one thing might happen, but I was trying to let it not happen. My friend was let go on Tuesday, Monday she was off. It broke my heart. We were finally getting along great, and now - bye bye. :( Made for an awkward day. Now I am focusing on the office move. Well, at least trying. I was told that I am allowed to paint my new office, although I don't think I will be taking that opportunity. White is fine with me.

Well I am off to get some stuff done. Have a great Thursday all!

hola

Weekends are starting to fill themselves here, which is nice. Kelly and I did something every days this weekend. Saturday night she was my wing man, and Sunday night, I hers. Although she won this weekend. She now has a date Thursday night. Yet the date I was asked on, I turned down. Anyone that tries to contact me 7 times in one days annoys the crap out of me. Kelly's guy, super nice! I hope things go well there. Funny, intelligent, sweet guy. We went for coffee after church and he just kept us smiling. His pick up line: "hi, i have two eyes, but a bee has eight eyes!" We approved it. All I could say was "GO KELLY!"





I went to see my nephew this weekend. He is just too cute. What a flirt, and at 10 months. He smiles at everything. You can throw things at him, and he sits there and smiles. LOVE HIM! Although he was doing something that had me cracking up. He has this big froggie stuffed thingie. He gets sooo excited to climb on it that he does his little dance that makes him look like he his having sex with it. I about died. Kari got it on camera!! Hey - that is good stuff to embarrass him later in life with.



Hmmm - what else. Oh, I have lost my appetite. Ever since I had a stomach bug before I left for Milwaukee, I eat once a day and then I am not hungry for the rest of the day. I can't even try to force myself to eat. Stinky. I need to get that changed before I see family this weekend.

Well I am off to find things to do. Willy it was good to hear from you. I hope all is well. I will call you soon. Kyle, tell Amanda that I say hello.

Life

Life is so very unpredictable. Thirty minutes ago I was going to write a post full of questions I would enjoy reading other's replies to. However, as I mentioned, this was 30 minutes ago. Much has changed in the last thirty minutes.

I was on the phone with my brother when another call came in. I ignored it, as I haven't spoken to my brother in a week or so, and the person calling I saw on Saturday. She had left a message, which is rare seeing she understands I never listen to my voicemail. Since she left a message, I figured something was up. I asked my brother if I may call him back in three minutes and he obliged. I didn't listen to the voicemail, I just called my friend back. No answer. Checked my voicemail, and she asked me to call her as soon as I recieved the message, and to call the house line. 'But that is what I did' I thought to myself....so I called it again. As soon as she answered, I asked "what's wrong?" I have know her eleven years, I knew something was up. "I am thinking of going home" she said. "Home? Rochester, home?" I asked. "Yes, I can't do this anymore" was her reply. She was giving the baby a bath as I told her I thoroughly cleaned my apartment yesterday (for she is allergic to my cat) why don't you and the baby come here tonight, the baby can sleep and you and I can talk. Her telling me she is thinking of leaving her husband is shocking to me. I figured a good talk and cry might help. And being here, not at home might also help. Luckely I did "de-cat" my apartment yesterday. (Yes, I have to de-cat my apartment, even for me.) I through some extra things in the wash just incase, and as soon as she comes in, I will take the baby and have an allegra with water ready for her to take. Bart and I are now in the spare room, where he will be as long as she and baby stay with me.

Background - I don't care all too much for her husband. But I care for him because he is married to one of my dearest friends. When it comes to her, I will do all I can to help. She can stay with me for as long as she would like. As for Bart...Bart and I will have to see what we can do to make things work - if it even comes to that. If it does come to that...wow...I would be the bestest friend I could possibly be. I like to think things out. I like to think about the "what if's" in lfe. So now I am trying to think of what I will offer if things come down to it. She is my family here, yes I will be there for her. It will be an interesting night. Please pray for her! She could use the support.

Thank you!

My Two Weeks

First night in Nashville, I met these three at the hotel bar and we ventured into Nashville. The first place we went to was Coyote Ugly. We had a blast. Matt (on right) won the booty shaking contest, I won the beer chugging contest and Liz and her boyfriend did a body shot on the bar. All in all - great night!

Second night in Nashville, I hung out with Sheriff Lay. He sang "I'm too Sexy" while a Lieutenant that just returned from Iraq danced along. GREAT NIGHT!! Lots of laughter.

My third night in Nashville, Bennjin, his girlfriend, some of his co-workers and I went to Tin Roof to hear James Dean Hicks play. I met James last year in the DC area, so it was fun to go see him play!!

This is Bennjin. We met about 7 years ago when he was working with CMT and I was at Entercom Radio in Rochester. Bennjin had brought Pat Green to Rochester for a concert and since then we have been friends. I got to see him two nights while I was in his town.

San Antonio. That was this past week. This was a show that I helped organize before I left my last job. It was great to see my old co-workers and advisory board members!! In this picture (left to right) is my old boss Michael, my old co-worker Barb and Don, an advisory board member that I became good friends with! Hanging with them all week was a lot of fun. Barb and I had out fun moments. Don and I had a chance to have a few brews and catch up, and Michael enjoyed having me there.

The past two weeks have been great! Although, I do have to say, I am extremely glad to be home!! Next week I am home and then I leave again. Next trip - Milwaukee, WI. CHEESE HAT HERE I COME!!!!

Nashville

Last night I returned from my week in Nashville. It was one great week!! I arrived Sunday afternoon and realized quickly that the hotel I was staying at (where the show was being held) wasn't too close to the city. I was a bit disappointed. After checking in my room, I hit the hotel bar for a beer. While I was sitting there watching the Sabres play the Rangers, I met some people around my age. After a bit of talking, they invited me to go into Nashville with them, I joyfully accepted. That night we went to Coyote Ugly and had a blast! Just so you know, I won the beer chugging contest that night!!! I volunteered two of the people I was with to do body shots, which I thought was extremely kind of me! At first, I thought Liz (the girl I was with) was going to kill me, but she had a blast. Then I volunteered Matt (on of the guys) to enter the booty shaking contest...he won! Needless to say, we had fun. We were home early, which was nice, since I was up at 5 that day.

Monday I slept till 9, went down and had breakfast. After that it was set-up time. I finished setting up pretty quickly, so I did my people watching in the hotel area I was set up in. Quickly, I noticed there were a lot of guys carrying guns, it was a Jail Convention. As I was sitting there, this Sheriff walks up and starts asking why I was there...bla bla bla. He was hung over beyond belief, so instead of going to the session he talked to me. I didn't mind - killed time. After two hours of him going into sessions, then coming out to talk to me, he asked if I wanted to go out that night. Go into Nashville, with a Sheriff - Sure! Why not!! I got to my room to change at 7:30 and was back in the Lobby by 7:40 - that included taking a call from work too. Pulled hair back, threw on my jeans, boots and a tee and I was out the door. When I got in his car, all I wanted to do was play with the lights!! Now that was fun!! We went to a karaoke bar. I love karaoke bars and making fun of those you think they can sing but really can't. Apparently in Nashville, the karaoke bars didn't get that message. Everyone that sang had amazing voices. No one to make fun of!! What's the point of Karaoke?? I had a blast anyway. Then my date, Anthony, got up and sang "I'm to Sexy" - yea I have pictures!! Very funny!!

Tuesday, I went out with my friend Bennjin. We went to the Tin Roof to hear James Dean Hicks play. I met James Dean when he was with Bennjin in DC last October or November. That was a great night. We thought it would be an early night but we didn't leave until one, getting me back to the hotel by 1:30. Oh, I had to be up at 5:30 every morning - so late nights were fun, just made it hard the next morning.

Wednesday and Thursday I stayed in. It was room service those nights.

Friday I taxied into the city for happy hour with Bennjin and his co-workers. Then we went to another bar for pool and some grub with our beer. I was home by 12:30 that night.

As for Saturday, it was up at 5:30 but done by 12:30 to head to the airport. All in All, it was a great week!! I have some pictures that are fun to share, but I will upload once I get back from San Antonio. I need to get back to laundry and packing. One day home - not enough!!!

Update on Life

I was watching CMT this morning. Every morning they are showing people's picks of videos, which are typically what is "hot" right now. Some random older videos will be shown, but usually it is the newer songs. As most know, I am a huge music person - so I enjoy laying in bed listening and watching (if I decide to actually open my eyes) to these videos. The other day, I kept CMT on as I was preparing for work and a song came on that I have heard many times, but it wasn't until this one morning that I actually heard the lyrics. This song is called I'll Wait for You by Joe Nichols. This video came on this morning, and I was able to watch part of it. It is just a wonderfully heart felt song. It then reminded me of another one of Joe Nichols songs: The Impossible. I remember the first time I heard this song, like it was yesterday. Country music is known for its stories, and Joe Nichols has this ability to share heart felt stories in ways that you will never forget them. Because of this, he is one of my favorite artists.

On another note, yesterday I had an interview to be a friend/mentor to a foster child. It was interesting. It was at my place and this young woman was seeing if my place and my car are suitable for children. She asked if I wanted a boy or a girl - or even a certain age range. My answer - I don't care. I am looking to befriend who ever would like it. Half of me would really like a boy - but then I would love a girl too. On the 15th I have a 4 hour session I have to attend - kinda like orientation. Oh and I get to go to the police station and get my fingerprints taken. Now that will be fun!!!!! (Again, the small things in life that make me happy.)

Well I am off to do work. OR NOT!!!

Bambie Gets Stung

I woke up this morning at 9. Nine am. I haven't slept that late in a very long time. It has to have been well before I moved to Arizona. It felt great. However, for Bambie (Booger/Boober/Bart - whatever B name you call him) it wasn't a great beginning for a weekend. Booger loves the patio, he enjoys chasing flies or leaves - anything smaller than him. This week I haven't let him out on the patio, for there have been a lot of bees. Bart and Bees don't get along so well. This morning there were no bees, so I let Bambie out. He was having a BLAST. Thought he was being all stalker, waiting for anything to come his way. It was adorable at first. He just squatted down for a half hour. All of the sudden he came running in the apt the lifted his paw as if it hurt to walk on it. Me being the nice person I am, walked over to him to see why he was holding his paw up. Sure enough, he got stung. Let me just tell you, taking a stinger out of a paw did not go over well with Boober. Boy was he mad. It hurt, but I kept telling him as soon as he sits still and I get it out, it won't hurt as much. Then, who am I kidding, he has no clue what I am saying! The stinger is now out and Bambie is still acting like a baby while hiding in the bathroom cabinet. Yep - that's my little Booger butt for ya - a scardie cat!

Last night Kelly and I went to see Fracture. We thought it would be more of a suspenseful movie. Not at all. It was a drama, but it was good. It was just entertainment. I suggest renting it. Not worth seeing it in the theatre.

Today I have nothing on my plate. Nothing. I can do whatever I want. This morning I finished watching season one of Scrubs. Love that show!! I am thinking about buying season two. It is just too funny. Although Thursday (I think) I saw the episode where J.D.'s father dies, I have to say that has been one of my favorite episodes I have seen. I love the relationship between Dr. Cox and J.D. - how Dr. Cox can be harsh at times, but than can be the great friend J.D. needs. I like.

Well I am off to do something today. Whatever that is...I have yet to figure out!

Quote to Ponder

"A man's ethical behavior should be based effectually on sympathy, education, and social ties; no religious basis is necessary. Man would indeeded be in a poor way if he had to be restrained by fear of punishment and hope of reward after death."
~Albert Einstein

This quote is an interesting one. One that I would stand behind if asked. I believe that one day, we will be standing in front of God where he is holding the book of life asking us why we should be entered into Heaven, and most, if not all, of us would like to be able to inform Him how we used our lives to better ourselves and others. However, I don’t believe that we should live our lives in fear of this day. This shouldn’t be our main goal to do good.

My hope is that people are opening their eyes to the world, becoming knowledgeable of the events that are taking place. Whether or not you support the war, are you supporting the troops that are risking their lives every day so we can live our lives freely? Are you finding ways to assist others in areas you might excel in? Not everyone is a giver…but you may be an encourager or a teacher…are you doing your part? We have all grown up with some sort of education, are we using the information that we have been granted?

We all need open our eyes and take a look around. My friends are big on photography, and that is an exceptional thing. Are they seeing what they are taking pictures of? They are very talented people, with kind hearts – are they using their talents fully?

As for me…I would say that I am defiantly not a teacher!! I love to give and to encourage. The giving, I am in the process of finding an area to give. The encouragement, I am encouraging everyone to find their talent and share it with others. Take your past experiences, what you enjoyed or excelled in and see what you are able to come up with. Let us not live our lives in fear, but let us use what God gave us. Our education, our ability to open our eyes and see what is going on. For there is so much we can do that we are not doing.

Place in this World

The wind is moving
But I am standing still
A life of pages
Waiting to be filled
A heart that's hopeful
A head that's full of dreams
But this becoming
Is harder than it seems
Feels like I'm

Chorus:
Looking for a reason
Roaming through the night to find
My place in this world
My place in this world
Not a lot to lean on
I need Your light to help me find
My place in this world
My place in this world

If there are millions
Down on their knees
Among the many
Can you still hear me
Hear me asking
Where do I belong
Is there a vision
That I can call my own
Show me I'm

Chorus. ~Michael W. Smith

This song is exactly how I feel. My apologies if my posts have been redundant. However, they are my posts... Last night I was at an event, and while I was sitting there this song popped into my mind, and it fit. This is exactly how I have been feeling. Moving here, I have been able to start me life over, in a way, but I am still trying to find what fits. Am I ready to be in a home group? Not sure. I enjoy the people, but the actual group discussions and don't believe I am ready for. I am on the fence, being torn between the side I would like to be on and my insecurities. Do I let the insecurities win or do I fight? If I choose to fight, how long will I be able to put up this fight?

Last night I thought about my place and thought about the place I want to be. That brought me no where! Wait, nope, that left me on my patio swinging on my new swing. I enjoy my life currently. The steps I have been taking are good ones. That may not be the perfect steps, but we all need to start somewhere. If I push too hard, I will end up a mess, so I am taking it slow. Taking it slow with a smile on my face. Until I figure out what is right for me, I will still be wondering what my place in this world is. I am okay with that!

Sweet talk/Work/Koko

Sometimes you, well at least I do, forget how good it is to hear someone call you dear, honey, gorgeous, sweetie...etc. Eric is one of my good friends here at work. He says "hi honey" or something similar when I arrive in the morning, and i bring in food for the both of us to eat through out the day. Usually food I have made the night before. It is nice to have someone so nice around you. I was beginning to forget how nice that was. No, I am not interested in him, so please don't think that. I was just saying that it is nice to have someone make those nice comments. It makes you feel warm inside.

Okay, enough of the girl talk. Work is going well. I am still trying to recover from Boston and my parents being in town. I have been trying to prep for the next two shows and I just don't seem to have the energy. All I want to do is go outside and play. Work is not in my vocabulary. Tonight I think I will go for a walk in the park. Maybe there will be a ball game going on or something of the sort. Either that or read a book on the patio. Bart would like the second choice. He loves the patio since dad made it so he can play out there now.

Speaking of books. One of my favorite books as a child was Koko's Kitten. Yesterday I went to the Koko site and donated money to Koko and her friends. This got me back into my mode of wanting to adopt a primate! How fun would that be! Yes, messy - but they are just so very cute. If you haven't read Koko's Kitten, I strongly urge you to read it. (It takes, oh, 15 minutes!)

I'm Back!

Last week is all a blur in my eyes. Sunday began my “vacation” (as work calls it) to Boston. Boston was unbelievable. We arrived in Boston around 7pm. Bob and I were beat seeing that we had been up since 4am our time. We grabbed a good steak dinner and passed out. Oh, I did try a Guinness that night at dinner. Not too bad, yet not my first choice still.

Monday was set-up. We had the reg area all set up by 1:30 giving us the entire afternoon and evening to do whatever. Neither of us was used to this and had no clue what to do. So what did we do, went to a pub where we would watch the games, have a brew and get some grub. After that pub, we went to Cheers. I was thrilled and the typical tourist – taking pictures of EVERYTHING. On a good note, I don’t believe it embarrassed Bob one bit, or at least he didn’t let on that it was. There I was hanging out of the taxi taking pictures of the neat building while Bob sat laughing. Cheers was pretty neat. Again, we had a brew and some grub. After Cheers – Bob took me to the oldest running pub in Boston, I believe it was called the Green Dragon. Now you are probably thinking, what a bunch a lushes. It probably does look that way, and I did drink a bit too much, but I didn’t even notice until later how much we had drank. All of the sudden it hit me, and I was ready to head back to the hotel. Luckily Bob didn’t mind.

Tuesday was show day. We worked all day. And for dinner, we met up with Sonia, a friend of mine from High School. Talking about high school made me feel old. And now she is engaged. Wow. And everyone thought I would be the first to marry. Boy were they wrong! Last it will be!

Wednesday was similar to Tuesday. Worked all day, but this time we went to dinner with the show organizers and some exhibitors. That was fun. One guy was telling me I would never get a guy since I travel about once a month. Needless to say, I didn’t talk to him much, he was too cheerful for me. Such nice things to here when you meet someone…”you will never get a guy, no wonder you are single!” Moved on to the next person, Boston I call him. He was hysterical. Married with two kids. He had me laughing all night. He drank WAY too much and was in people’s faces telling stories. Back at the hotel bar, just about everyone was felling pretty good. Well except me. The waters with lemon weren’t quite as strong, shocking I know. But the night was a blast, and it was fun to make some friends that I will hopefully see next year.

Thursday we worked then caught a flight home.

Friday I worked a half day then my co-workers and I headed out to lunch where my parents caught up with us. Yep, the parents flew to Arizona for Easter weekend. It was great. Well, until my co-workers started talking. They were trying to see how much my parents knew about my life. Billy saying my tummy was pudgy and the guy I think is cute. The two things I probably would have never brought up the entire weekend, my co-workers hit. It went over well. The rest of the weekend, we worked on my place and I showed them around a bit. It was a nice weekend – but I am glad to have my bed back.

Well I am off to get some grub. I hope everyone had a great Easter! Oh! At Church, the resurrection was compared to Humpty Dumpty – funny, but impressive. And the parents liked the service. Phew!!! Okay, I am really off to eat this time.

Adios (for a week or so)

5:15am Bob will be picking me up for our trip to Boston. I am thankful that Bob is joining me on this trip. We should have fun, when we aren't working. Promised my bosses I would have a Guiness for them, and I hope to see Harvard. Although, my favorite part is watching the shows' final stages in coming together, then watching all the attendees come rolling in. It's exciting. At least it was when I was on the show organizer side of the roll. I loved the conversations with the speakers, board members, and the midshipmen that would skip classes for a day to help out where needed. Being used to the homeland security events, it is odd to be going to a variety of shows. The one taking place in Boston is a management show. There will be the suits, but I don't believe I will be seeing the uniforms. Although I will be seeing uniforms when I work with my old co-workers in a show I assisted in the organization or the whole event! This I can't wait for!

Coming home from a show, you are on a high. Your mind is filled with so many stories that will live in your forever. Due to complete lack of sleep, it is interesting to see what things you will do. My old co-worker and I learned not to stop and grab a beer when you have an hour to wait for a plane. We both had basketballs (small ones) that we were bringing home from an event. We bounced them all around NYC, bounced them through security, bounced them to the restaurant. Drank a beer, just one - then heard the final boarding call for our plane. Bounced the balls to the bathroom (we figured we had time) then ran to our plane. Bounced the balls on the plane saying "man it's hot in here" then noticed that everyone was looking at us, and they weren't happy. We stopped the bouncing - found our seats - died of laughter. We were those annoying people!! You think we would have learned from this. NOPE. It happens every show, the more of our company that is with us, the harder we all laugh. Lack of sleep is a dangerous thing!

Now is my time to go to bed, so tomorrow I can take another trip and make some great memories. Have a wonderful week all! And have a great Easter if I don't talk to you.

Food for Thought

Speaking of food - i could go for a bagel.

Anywho, I am tired of all the laziness around us everyday. And it is the small things I am noticing. Take for instance, yesterday, I stopped at the supermarket on my way home from work. While walking in I noticed about ten shopping carts that people didn't take the two extra minutes to push them to the cart return. This is irritating to me, probably because I worked places were we all had to help push carts on busy days. Now don't get me wrong, I loved pushing carts - it is actually quite fun. But please people, take the two minutes to push the cart to the cart return.

We are so spoiled these days. We don't take the time to care about the small things. We need to start watching our actions and make some changes in our daily routines. Pick up after ourselves. Return your carts. Help someone load groceries with a smile on your face. Slow down, be patient in life. Open your eyes, and see what life has to offer.

On a side note, I am thinking about volunteer work. In DC I volunteered at Habitat for Humanity. This time I am thinking about volunteering at an elderly home. So today, my goal is to start looking into this. That way, when I get back next week I can start making calls - see if anyone is looking for a volunteer. That may not be a great way to meet people, but volunteering isn't about me...it is about helping others. I encourage everyone to do a little volunteer work - it is worth every second just to see the smiles on peoples faces.

Well I am off to pretend I am working today. It's Friday. All I have to do today is make sure I have everything I need for Boston. Oh! I am hoping Bob will want to go to Harvard. The convention center is 7.69 miles away and I am dying to see the campus!! Bob is good to me, if we have the time, i am almost positive he will say okay, especially since it would keep me smiling the whole trip. How amazing would it be to have dinner on campus, get a book, and people watch?!

Oh, one more thing. I work next to the Scottsdale Airport...which is great. The building behind us has a hanger with the neatest plane in it. I will have to bring my camera to work and take a picture. It reminded me of a plane my grandfather used to fly. Too neat. Oh, then there is an ICI store (Glidden paint) - takes me back to the good ol' CP days!!!

All right - back to work.

Three GREAT Things for Today:

1. Labatt's was on sale at Fry's!! Oh yea! Gotta love the Blue. :)

2. Sam, my co-worker, sent me an email with a smiley face lifting his leg, squinting his face and saying "I'm gassy today." Oh, that kept me laughing for a good couple hours. I maybe 27, but I can still act like I am 5! (I would say two, but I can make complete sentences.)

3. There is a carnival at the school across the street. Hey Kac, it's a shame you don't live here, it could have been like old times! After all, that is the night we became friends.